Tonglen Practice

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JS 2021 TK2A – Tonglen 1

In meditation, we have a very beautiful exercise to cultivate compassion and to increase it, expand it, um, immeasurably, indefinitely. Um, and that is called <inaudible>, which is a Tibetan term. That means giving and taking. The foundation of giving and taking is first of all to connect to a feeling of compassion. The way we do that is by, um, thinking of our own lives. First of all, thinking of somebody who has been particularly caring and loving for us. Um, we go back all the way we can remember in our lives. Very often it is the mother. If it is not the mother, there must have been another caregiver because otherwise we wouldn’t even have survived. Yeah. We come as, uh, screaming bundles. It’s like a guest coming to your door and, um, the guest doesn’t have clothes, is hungry, is screaming, not really well behaved, and there’s somebody who doesn’t mind Yeah.
Who does everything for you. Um, and not only once, but over and over again. Cleans you up, feeds you, gives everything they have. Um, at least, yeah, we could say they do their best. Yeah. But it’s not that they, it doesn’t mean they’re, they are perfect, but from their point of view, they’re doing the very best they can offer. And when you look at your mother or your caregiver, um, it doesn’t mean that they become particularly happy by that. Yeah. Their life passes, they become sick, they have problems. So if we think very deeply, um, of this person we, we love and who has loved us a lot, something, um, in how our heart is touched and opens, and we get this feeling of, of worms, of caring, of wanting to pay back the kindness. And, uh, this is first of all a feeling, which is good. Yeah. Um, and so we, we connect to that and, um, we really de develop a sense for the texture of it. Yeah. And this is our starting point. So now, um, in order to do the giving part in Lin, so we, we, uh, we imagine our mother, um, in front of us and, um, we can think of the difficulties she’s in right now, or we just start with this, uh, general feeling of caring for her and, um, in order
To pay back her kindness and, um, yeah. In, in order to fulfill our aspirations for her happiness. We send, we give all that we have that is good, that is pleasant, that, that is happiness. Um, all of that. We just, um, imagine that it goes to her, touches her, makes her happy. And with her happiness, we are also happy ourselves. That’s the, the very first step I.

JS 2021 TK2B Tonglen 2

Uh, the next step is, um, to widen the circle. So we do it with everyone in our life that is close to our heart, where this, this wish comes very easily. Our friends, our family, our group, our community. But then we have to expand further. So the people that we meet in our lives, yeah, maybe the person as at the cash register in the supermarket, or our neighbor where we might say hello, but not more than that. All of these people we also remember, um, they are, um, just as you and me, they look for happiness. They struggle. They have to go through, um, old age and sickness and everything that comes along with that. So, um, they are in a way, you know, they’re connected to us just because we know them. And again, we just send out this, this love for them, the wish that they be free of suffering, the wish that they may be happy.
If we want, we can, um, support this meditation. The, the wishing part with, um, an out breath where we imagine white light is moving out towards, um, the person we imagine in, in front of us after meditating on the neutral person that is, um, not enough. There are lots of people, uh, in our life that are bothering us, that we find annoying. Maybe even people that really have hurt us deliberately, but even them, they did it in some kind of distorted way of struggling in their lives and, um, looking for happiness or keeping, um, unhappiness way. So with this understanding, we can feel, we can open ourselves up to them and feel this open heart for them. And again, just, you know, just wish that they’d be happy. If you think with certain people, I can’t do that, not possibly after what he has done to me, then, um, just fake it until you make it <laugh>, which means just, just say it to yourself or just think it, it’ll become more natural because in the end there’s no reason why one cannot wish it. Yeah. So we are still here actually in, in a mental, um, attitude, in a mental training by thinking, uh, that I’m sending all my happiness to my neighbor. First of all, it doesn’t really change my life very much, but what it does change it, uh, changes my attitude and that is the most important thing.

JS 2021 TK2C Tonglen 3

Our attitude is always, um, wanting the good for myself and giving away the bad. Now I am giving away everything that is good and dear to me. And now we are coming to the, the next step, which many people think is more difficult, which is accepting the negative aspects, accepting, suffering, taking something onto myself, onto my shoulders. So again, we do that by going back, um, and thinking of our mother, somebody who’s very dear to us, and thinking of the suffering and hardship, um, the big and the small problems, and thinking all of that, um, is symbolically condensed into black light. And I am taking this black light, breathing it in and dissolve. It dissolves into my heart, and my mother in front of me is free of all the suffering.
If you feel that there is a resistance that you do not really want to take, um, anybody, anybody else’s suffering, even those that are dear to you, that is actually a good thing. Yeah, it, um, it is good that you recognize that that is there because it shows, yeah, this is how we are normally geared. Um, but the next step is to develop some curiosity to open up the heart and do it again. See how that feels. And by, um, opening more and more and, and taking more onto yourself, we also discover that yes, there is courage. Um, there is the possibility with, uh, an open mind to deal with much more. It becomes a challenge. It becomes just another experience. There’s actually research that has shown that when, for example, we think of dealing with pain in our body, naturally we think, oh, I should direct my attention away from, for example, if the knee hurts away from the knee, um, because, uh, that is the easiest way to deal with it.
But, um, research with meditators has shown they are directing their attention directly into the pain. And what happens, the pain dissolves, maybe not completely, but um, you can relate to it in, in a different way. It becomes, um, it becomes more curious, less, uh, tense, less, um, less in terms of, uh, I want, I don’t want, and so on. So there are lots of ways of discovering our mind, and especially the, the awakened part of our mind, the awakened heart, that that is only possible if, if you just try it out and accept something that you thought is, um, unpleasant. So the same, um, procedure that we
Went through with the giving is also, um, the same for the taking. First you think of taking, um, the negativities and the hardships of somebody very close to you, then your friends, then a neutral person, um, then the enemies, the ones that annoy you. And finally, this movement of wanting to give and the movement of taking is expanded towards all beings in the universe. And thereby, you are not fixing on any particular person at all anymore. It becomes an attitude of total openness. Giving and taking. It is important to understand that NG land is first of all a mental training. Um, it is not about literally taking somebody else’s pain or somebody else’s, um, suffering or sickness. Yeah, we are not getting sick by breathing in, um, the suffering of our sick friend or our sick neighbor. First of all, it is really about turning around fundamentally our attitude, which, um, is self versus selfless.
Yeah, it is. Um, selfish is maybe not the best word, but so self-centered. It is all about me. We are learning an attitude that is all about others and me at the same time. This open, awakened heart. So therefore, we understand that this, um, this meditation is in order to open up our hearts. There are advanced meditators who are literally able to take on, um, other people’s suffering, but we are not concerned with that right now. We can do that when we are ready before that, it, it will not happen. So we, we do not need to worry about it right now. It is really about opening up, um, our, our heart towards everybody, including ourselves. I.

JS 2021 TK2D Tonglen 4

In the beginning, we start with giving, giving our um, aspirations, giving our happiness to everyone, having the aspiration of, of, um, making them happy. And we train in giving as long as as we want and, um, and nothing else. So we give, um, our happiness, our wellbeing. It can even be com combined with, uh, gestures in daily life. Yeah. Giving to our neighbors, our friends, giving a smile, giving um, words, um, of encouragement and so on. So giving becomes our second nature. And when we really feel ready for it, um, we start taking and taking on means. Accepting the idea that we are able to handle disadvantages. Um, we are able to handle a little pain. We are able to handle a little suffering. Um, in the very beginning of, of, um, the taking meditation. Remember, this is all mental training at first. Yeah. When you breathe in the suffering of your, um, sick friend, you are not becoming sick, but you are opening up your heart to the possibility of, um, taking suffering once you feel comfortable with both.
And it is really up to everyone’s intuition and intelligence. Yeah, we are in charge of our own path. We are deciding when we take a step. Um, nobody can tell you that, but when, when you feel comfortable with it, um, and you want to, to leap into it, develop a little courage, um, you do the taking part and then, um, you can do it alternatively. So in its final idea via the meditation of lin is combined with the breathing cycle. Every out breath is giving, every in breath is taking. Uh, we can also combine it with a visualization, every out breath, the giving. Um, the aspirations for happiness are symbolized with white light that we imagine touches. Um, the person on whom we meditate, every in breath is, uh, dark light, sometimes dark smoke, um, that we breathe in. It comes into our heart where it actually dissolves in our awakened heart. There’s only space, therefore it dissolves. And so then, um, having a relaxed breathing cycle, we can do that over and over again. Giving, taking, giving, taking. And that becomes then in itself a meditation that is, um, soothing. We do that in our
Formal meditation on the cushion, but it is something that we can do in any situation, in, in daily life. Yeah. When we see somebody suffer, that is a way of expressing our compassion mentally. We just breathe in, we, we breathe out, we take in the suffering. We give, uh, the wish for happiness. It becomes our way of, uh, dealing with the world. It also becomes actually the way of dealing with our mind states. Yeah. When, when anger comes up, my anger or somebody else’s anger is not, there’s no difference. So when anger comes up, um, the, the suffering that, um, is always part of feeling angry, I just breathe that in and dissolve it and I give, um, happiness, the wish for happiness, um, to that angry part of myself. So in this way, um, I do lin with myself in any situation. It is your meditation for life. I.